I’ve been in pastoral ministry for over twenty-five years, and the most difficult experience I’ve had to help people through is the death of a child. Most of us cannot even conceive of the anguish of a parent who has had to endure such a loss.
Recently, I officiated at a memorial service for a precious baby who passed away just ninety minutes after birth. While a memorial service like this would normally be filled with indescribable grief, this particular service was filled with a special sort of joy which I have only witnessed a few times in my life. While this young couple from my church, Erik and Jessica, were grieving over the loss of their beautiful little girl, Ella, they were able to experience God’s grace in a profound way.
This was most clearly demonstrated by the words they each read as a part of the service. Following is a transcript of their words which brought tears to every eye in the auditorium:
I had never expected that nearly five months ago Jess and I would receive life changing news after what I had thought would be a simple, routine ultrasound. I remember the day that the doctor told us that Ella had a severe brain deformation and was likely to have an impaired and very short life. That was the hardest day. The shock of going through the experience was jarring and devastating. It crashed headlong into my dreams and ambitions for Ella, destroying them and leaving in it’s wake a landscape of fear and uncertainty.
The night of the diagnosis I remembered lying in my bed, hoping I would wake up the next morning to find out that everything had been a horrible nightmare. I hoped that I would awaken the next morning and the memory of what had transpired would fade from my recollection quickly and painlessly. But when the morning came and I asked my wife, “Was it just a dream?” I was again confronted with the harsh reality of our circumstance.
That morning I sat with Jessica on the floor of what would have been Ella’s room, and I held her hands, and together we prayed. I opened my heart up to the LORD, and I cried out to Him with tears in my eyes. Between sobs of desperation, I pleaded with God to give us direction for Ella’s life. I asked the LORD to give me strength to lead my wife through this time of hardship. I asked God to take away our fears and help us to give Ella the unconditional love any child deserves from his or her parents. I asked God to protect our hearts from the despair and depression that loomed around us and to give us His spirit of peace that surpasses all understanding.
I thanked God for the many blessings in our life, and I acknowledged Him for His sovereignty in all things, including Ella’s life. I thanked Him for giving her to us to be her parents. I prayed that he would lead us to be the parents he wanted for Ella. I asked that God would give us the strength to honor him during our hardships and not turn our backs on Him, our only shelter from the storm.
During this time in our lives, Jess brought a verse to my attention, and I think it is has great relevance. Psalm 34 is a beautiful psalm that encapsulates much of what I want to convey to you today. Here is what it says:
1 I will praise the LORD at all times. I will constantly speak his praises.
2 I will boast only in the LORD; let all who are helpless take heart.
3 Come, let us tell of the LORD’s greatness; let us exalt his name together.
4 I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
6 In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened; he saved me from all my troubles.
7 For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
What I would like everyone to know is that the LORD holds true to every promise he has made to me. The LORD freed me from the bondage of all my fears and my troubles. The LORD has given me joy in this dark hour of my life. The LORD has surrounded me with his angels which are those of his children whom I am blessed to know as friends and family. The LORD is truly great, loving, and deserving of exaltation. HIS grace has overwhelmed us, and the power of HIS spirit has overtaken our weakness.
Ella’s life on Earth was tragically short, but it was entirely sweet and filled with joy. I miss her and long to hold her. But I am comforted by the truth that her life hasn’t ended but only begun. HIS promise to us is that we will be reunited with HIM in heaven some day.
This is the reason Jess and I wanted this to be a celebration of life, because we are grateful for the one she was given! It was filled completely with love. And Ella’s life hasn’t ended! It has merely been transformed from the one here on Earth to the one the LORD has created for those who love and believe in Him in heaven. Thank you all for coming and being with us tonight as we remember her short life on Earth and celebrate God’s greatness and His eternal life for us. It is our honor and privilege to share our little girl’s life with you so that you can know her as we did.
Jessica’s words (a letter from her to Ella):
Today is the day we have chosen to celebrate your life and acknowledge the impact you have made in your very short time here on earth. You were a true gift of God to your Daddy and I, and we know that our lives will forever be changed because of you. Your Daddy and I are closer to each other now and stronger as a couple because of you. Most importantly we are closer to God and so thankful that, because of you, we know what it means to truly surrender our lives and trust to Him each day.
The day you were born seems like a blur to me now. I remember checking into the hospital and getting things in place for your arrival, and before I knew it, the doctor was in the room telling me that it was time! You were so beautiful. You had a full head of dark hair and the most wonderfully unique features. Your little lips reminded me of your big brother Ethan when he was a baby. You cried when you were born, which filled mommy’s heart. It would be the first and last time I heard you cry, but I treasure that sound you made. You even opened your eyes which I took as your way of saying hi to me. We knew, little girl, that you might not know how to breathe once you didn’t have mommy’s help anymore, and that turned out to be the case. Thank you for trying to figure it out, though, for so long. Thank you for letting us love you and hold you and share you with all of the people that came to meet you. I am happy to have filled your short life with love. I have learned so much about unconditional love from carrying you. I would have traded my own life so that you could have experienced the joys of this world, and I understand so much clearer now the love our Savior has for me. I know that you are made perfect now, though. And I also know that part of my love included being okay to let you go and be with the Lord instead of getting to raise you here. My perfect healed baby girl, you are experiencing a life that Mommy could have never given you here. I am so happy for you that you get a headstart into eternity!
In the book of James he says we should consider it a joy when we face trials of any kind, and now I know what he means. I consider it a joy to have walked this journey with you Ella and a true privilege to be the one that God chose to be your mommy. He has a strong purpose for your life with us, and we are only beginning to see the impact you are making in this world. I will treasure every minute that we shared together and have great expectations for our time in eternity together. Your Daddy and big brother Ethan and I will never forget you. Fly high sweet angel girl. Mommy loves you very much.
I have known Erik and Jessica for many years now — since they were teenagers. And I can tell you that the reason they were able to find God’s grace in this difficult trial was because they knew what it means to walk with God. I have watched them for many years as they have sought the Lord, served Him in ministry, and surrounded themselves with a support system of godly friends.
When you find yourself in a dark hour of trial, my encouragement to you is to lean into God. That is where you will find strength, hope, and courage.
When the storms of life approach,
run to God and not away from Him!
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Chris Russell (send me a Facebook friend request!)
Veritas Church (Cincinnati, OH)
27 thoughts on “Experiencing God’s Grace — Even at the Death of a Child”
Truly inspirational. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing.. these words are truly comforting and I hope they continue to be. My daughter, Taylor Grace was born on 10/15/13 and lived for just two days.. just like Ella. However, Taylor’s health issues weren’t realized until birth. My husband and I are struggling and we are both angry.. but thankful for the time we had with Taylor.. we are trying to find strength in the Lord but these are very trying times. Thank you so much for sharing.
Wow, Christine. That is such a tough trial you are experiencing. I will keep you in my prayers, for sure.
In the dark night of the soul, cling to the Rock.
Feel so sorry
Just read your article
It’s been a while but I know the pain will still be lingering
It’s real hard to understand Gods ways
There are many things just not answerable by even the most spiritual pastors n teachers when it comes to stuff like this
I too have a son who goes in n out of depression even tho he’s so Godly n right with God
I feel God has a plan n purpose for him n us
So if we really meditate on scriptures that relates to our problems we will be able to ride out the storm
Even storms calm down in time
All the best to you n your husband n keep God first place n you will never lose the race
Aubrey from Mumbai
Thanks for sharing. Your experience made me to remember the time when I lost my baby boys, one in 1983 and the other one in 1984. Fillemon was prematurely born and Mekondjo lived for an hour after birth. I remember after I lost the last one I was so depressed and wanted and was ready to die. My husband and family members was so worried and they did everything to stand by my side. The Lord is great and He pull me out of that depression through a friend. The loss of a child is more painful than that of an adult. In Isaiah 41: 10 & 13 God says Be not afraid, He will help and uphold you. Be strong you are not alone; our Lord God is always having a plan – a good one – for everyone in situations of difficulty.
Tegelela, thank you for posting on this sight. I am so sad and yet feel like GOD has been so good. And so I keep believing He will see me through the storm.
<3 Ella. The Lord's light is seen so clearly through your family, I am truly inspired and touched by your testimony. To take something, I as an angel mom myself know to be such a hard time, and turn it all for God's glory, I am awed. We love you guys.
Reblogged this on Just Trying to be a Blessing! and commented:
I thought I’d share a blog my pastor wrote a couple of weeks ago. I’m sure he won’t mind. I have shared a little about Erik and Jessica on my Facebook. I thought some of you might be interested in hearing their story. Jim and I were there the night little Ella went to be with Jesus. It was one of the most difficult as well as beautiful experiences I’ve had. There was hope and peace in that room that night. How sweet it is to trust in Jesus! My prayer this week is for God’s Hand to continue to hold Erik and Jess as they move forward to another chapter of their lives.
Thank you for the sharing… It’s made me comfort…
Honestly, I am really touched by your wonderful courage and write up, but mine is a different one, but all the same I am encouraged. As a pastor, I was going out for evangelism when I was involved in a ghastly motor accident that wrecked my vehicle, and nearly render my wife and I incapacitated, but for God on our side. We were in that state when our final year daughter in the university studding philosophy and religion, coming to see us in the hospital was crushed to death, as if that was not enough, the next year her elder brother who graduated as a civil engineer died so we thought we were finished, but to God be the glory we are alive today. I ask atimes why are this things happening to men of God? But with your write up I am blessed. Shalom.
I am thankful that I got to read this incredible testimony of strength and faith. I wish it had been the case with myself and my wife at the time we lost our son after having him for 19 days! But I knew then as I do now that he is with the Lord and also his Mother and I will see them both soon!
I am delighted to read about daring faith in your write up. That is the essence of christianity. I need to say this “all things work together for good for those who love God” Romans 8:28. In every situation of man, God remains as God. This testimony has moved my faith to another level.Shalom!
Thank you !
oh,i really don’t know what to type. y’all are filled with faith despite going through hard times,i’m touched. i’ve got a problem too,scared i may have contacted a virus,like HIV etc,but after reading your posts i feel like there’s still hope for me. there’s nothing the lord can’t do,and everything do happen for a reason.. i pray God give yall strength to continue in your faith.
i wish i’m half strong as yall are..
My name is Christopher I am currently raising my 4 year old daughter we’ve been through so much tragedy trials n errors and personally been to doctors several time and time agains dealing with a disease or sickness that seems un traceable or diagnosable it brings me trouble in times of breathing bowel movements make me see stars constant headache heart rate always high can’t lift to much over my head feel like fainting heart slows to almost stop yet I’m still alive for reason need prayers wouldn’t mind sickness to leave and never return or bother anyone
I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I will pray for God‘s amazing grace to saturate your life through this time. And I will pray for him to roll back the clouds and shine through his blessings once again!
I really thank God for your experience I’ve lived all my life in both physical and emotional pains I’m really encouraged I pray God comforts you all and bring you out of your sad experiences Christ is coming soon and all our tears will be wiped away
This message just blessed me in so many ways I just lost my 11 month old son Jordan. this is exactly how my husband and I feel. My son Jordan brought me closer to God word . and I loving it. my heart still hurts but I’m getting through.
It was sad and yet “refreshing” to read that another couple’s experience was similar to ours, we prayed over our son as we did every night before we laid any of our children down to sleep, but this one night was different, when I prayed yes Lord he’s in your hands. I didn’t know till the next morning what that prayer really meant. Zane went from death to life, 40 days old, that night.
God met us and showed us who He was in way we never could have experienced, had we not gone thru this. Here is a link to our story. http://www.sids-network.org/fp/zane.htm
Now 23 years later, I am faced with another a loss, my awesome husband of 33 years passed away after his battle with stage 4 colon cancer. But, I know God is still God, and I am trusting Him to lead my every step.
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I will pray for God‘s highest blessings on your life through this difficult time! Thank you for sharing your story.
Erik and Jessica’s story is like mine. Many years ago I lost a baby boy a few hours after birth and I thought I was being punished because I was not married. I was in labour for many hours and I was told my baby inhaled his own excretion. Things I didn’t understand.
I grieved for my baby but I had an emptiness that I thought would only be filled by another baby.
In a very short time I was pregnant again and had another baby boy. A live healthy baby.
A few years later, I gave my life to Christ. My son is a young man now at university. I thank God for him and pray that he won’t make the mistakes I made.
Several years ago, my daughter gave birth(induced birth) to a beautiful stillborn baby girl.
It was traumatic for the family members who were present at the hospital during that time.
Even more so for the mother(my daughter). Nevertheless, each of us(grandparents and mother) had the opportunity of holding the baby girl in our arms. Her name was Josie and we took the opportunity to take some photos of her before she was buried. All I know is this: those of us who are Christians, have this to console us during this time of bereavement.
Psalm 30:5 KJV
5 weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
You will see your child again.
For the newborn children whom God has taken out of this world, they have entered safely into Heaven and are in Jesus’ hands. I had comforted one elderly Christian woman who had an illness and was not expected to live much longer. I told her that this is not goodbye, but rather, I will see you later.
To put it another way, when Jesus comes again, there will be a reunion in Heaven that will be literally mind boggling.
God keep you strong and comforted.
My mum has been unwell since last year and she died on 1 st August and was born again. We have prayed and fasted over her her healing . Is there something we did wrong for her to die.
No, I don’t believe anyone did anything wrong here. God’s reasons and plans for guiding the events of our lives are certainly complex at times. — much too complex for us to comprehend! But one thing we can know is that He loves us deeper than we would ever imagine. I lost my own brother several years ago. He loved God with all of his heart. I wondered at the time if God took him home because God loved him so much God wanted to be with him face-to-face. Perhaps this is the case with your mother. Perhaps God wanted her close to Himself. I’m sure everything will make sense when we are all in heaven together.
I lost my son when he was 12 years old he was crossing the road in the crosswalk and a drunk driver went through a red light. was angry at God I didn’t understand why! These things don’t happen to me they happen to other people. I was a Christian, but so angry. You could say I hit bottom and I was numb ,but I was saved by the grace of God. It wasn’t until I was in court to give victims impact statement that the anger and emotions like me. I had a whole page written out what I wanted to say but I didn’t there and then I forgave and was able to find peace. God was there with me that day!! Throughout the years I go through some of his stuff and I never realized how spiritual he was God had a different plan for him and Praise the Lord I will get to see him again