For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:20
Perhaps the most important relationship lesson I’ve learned as a husband and father over the past couple decades is this: anger never really works. Anger never brings about the desired result. Anger is never the best pathway to accomplishing the greatest good. Anger never ends up solving a problem with the best end result. And anger normally ends up making matters worse.
In many cases, one of the biggest steps forward a husband or wife could take in building their marriage would be to learn to control their anger. Anger may allow one to win an argument, but it will not help to develop a solid, intimate marriage that lasts for the long haul. This is true for both husbands and wives.
Anger is like a poison to a relationship. Anger will suck the life out of those around you. Anger quenches love and commitment. Anger can decimate a bond between two people that was once meant to be forever.
And we must be so careful not to use anger against our kids. Do you realize how many adults are in counseling now because of their parents’ anger issues from decades ago? You can scar your kids for life without even realizing it. Perhaps you are currently recovering from the anger your parents inflicted upon you from when you were a child. Don’t be the parent who passes that on to your own children. Break the cycle now.
For many families, yelling and screaming is just the norm. But it is also destructive, so don’t allow your family to engage in this type of interaction. Don’t accept that behavior as normal. Instead, learn to be firm and corrective with your kids while controlling your emotions and avoiding anger.
Are you bothered by what you see in politics and the social issues of our day? An angry response to our culture will never be an effective approach to bringing positive change. Instead, love and grace should be your “weapons of choice” when it comes to engaging the culture. So many Christians alienate non-Christians because they react in anger rather than with love and compassion. Jesus came to save the lost, not to judge them. Shouldn’t that be our mission, too?
The Word of God puts a great deal of emphasis on this important concept. Consider the following passages of Scripture:
For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
(James 1:20 – NKJV)
Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.
(Proverbs 29:11 – NLT)
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
(Proverbs 15:1 – NKJV)
A man who does not control his temper is like a city whose wall is broken down.
(Proverbs 25:28 – HCSB)
This character quality actually runs contrary to the mindset of the world around us. Our society seems to promote expressing anger while the Bible teaches us to control and contain it. I’ll side with the Bible on this one.
Many men buy into the lie that anger is “manly.” Don’t believe that lie. It is much more masculine to control your emotions than to let them run wild. And women certainly connect better with a man who knows how to be gentle and self-controlled.
Many women buy into the lie that they have to “get angry” in order to “get what they want.” Don’t believe that lie. Anger will only cause you to alienate those around you, and you may lose the respect of those who matter the most in your life.
Learn to control your spirit and put your anger behind you.
Anger never really works, anyway.
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Chris Russell (send me a Facebook friend request!)
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