Sex is a beautiful thing, and sex is a powerful thing. After all, God created it!
And it’s important for you to know that the reason God puts restrictions on sex is not because He is a cosmic killjoy who hates to see us having fun. That’s not it. The reason He has restricted it is because sex has a very powerful purpose in life.
The purpose for sex is to
create a supernatural bond
between a husband and wife
that will never be broken.
In line with this,
sex is actually
designed to be addictive!
Sex creates a nuclear-powered desire for a husband to be with his wife. It makes him think about her throughout the day. It makes him eager to be with her. It makes him want to serve her and to love her. And for the woman, it helps her to feel the closeness of their relationship as they become one in the marital act. Sex is the atomic bond that holds a marriage together.
Nuclear radiation can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing. It can be good when it is used in a controlled environment for a specific purpose. It can be used to provide energy to a city, heal a person from a disease, or to heat a cup of coffee in sixty seconds.
But when nuclear radiation leaks from a controlled setting, it can become very dangerous and even disastrous. Think Chernobyl.
This is similar to the power and danger of human sexuality. When it is enjoyed within the boundaries of God’s plan, it can be a beautiful, joyful thing. But when that sexual energy is allowed to leak into inappropriate areas of life, then that can bring disaster.
When a man and woman become sexually active, there is literally a chemical that washes across their brains that is similar to the rush that is brought on by drugs like heroin. This is a very powerful experience, indeed. And this is intended to be an addictive bond between a husband and wife.
But this becomes a problem when people who are not married become sexually active. This “rush” often impairs their judgment, and they become bonded to a person who may or may not be a good partner for life. When they are in the middle of all of this, they can easily overlook serious character flaws that would have made them run had they not been involved sexually. The physical union causes them to overlook all of those warning flags that are flapping conspicuously all around them.
How many times have you seen a decent girl who continually goes back to a guy who is a mess . . . over and over again? And we shake our heads and wonder, “What does she see in him? Why does she stay with that guy?” Well, it’s often because she has created metaphysical bond with him that is addictive and nearly impossible to dissolve. This is one good reason why God says we should save sex for marriage.
Another example of how this plays out in real life is when a guy stumbles into pornography. Through that surge of chemicals in his brain, it becomes addictive like heroin. And when a married man expends his sexual energy on the vile filth of porn, he then has less energy to direct toward his wife in what should be the appropriate expression of his love. With such depleted energy toward his wife, their marriage then begins to crack and crumble as well. An inappropriate focus of sexual energy can be devastating to a marriage.
God wants husbands and wives to be addicted to one another for life. Let’s trust in God’s plan and allow that to be our guide to ultimate fulfillment.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.
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Chris Russell (send me a Facebook friend request!)
Veritas Church (Cincinnati, OH)
http://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/chris-russell/
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Thank you for the share!
Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love.
Intriguing perspective! Thanks, Gloria!
God created sex so that humans may be procreated AND to increase the love of the spouses. You simply can’t ignore one of the 2 primary reasons for God’s great gift! Those who continually exclude the possibility of children are not following life as God designed it. Children complete and mature the couple, and as result more greatly reflect the Trinity.
Interesting input, Dave. Thanks for sharing. I agree that procreation is a major part of God’s plan for marriage. I do recognize, however, that He does not always allow couples to have children. I did not discuss the procreation as a part of this piece since that is not a part of the answer to why it is addicting.
If you look at God’s design for sexuality, you will see that God designed sex in its essence for procreation. He could have given the couple bonding pleasure in other ways, but He choose the conjugal act to be the unitive act for the couple. It is true that some couples are infertile – some out of God’s choice, others because of failures in the biological system, for some out of past abuse of human sexuality. I appreciate your emphasis on the God’s desire for to be sexually active, but feel, particularly with the secular concept that sex is for selfish pleasure, not sex is for procreation and for the love of the spouse, that an abuse can occur. One other scripture may be of interest — from Sirach 25:1 “With three things I am delighted, for they are pleasing to the Lord and to men: Harmony among brethren, friendship among neighbors, and the mutual love of husband and wife.” The actual term for love is “eros”, so this should really say, “and the conjugal love of husband and wife”.
Yes in old testament God’s plan for sex was to procreate (the emphasis), In Genesis 1:28, God said “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” – so no mention of sex’s physical and spiritual properties just its objective.
New testament, In Mark 10:6, Jesus said “But at the beginning of creation…” obviously referring to what happened in Genesis, describes sex as two becoming one flesh (intimate physical and spiritual act, talking about sex’s physical and spiritual properties) – but makes no mention of procreation (the initial objective), so it sounds like the emphasis has shifted.
Also worthy to note, the two primary acts for survival and continued existence is eating and sex, which could also explain this sort of hard-wiring or our predisposition as to why these can be so “addictive”
Some thoughts to consider for sake of argument 😉 God bless.
thanks Dave, for this wise comment and the one below. Poppa made us and sex the way He did because He loves us. But He made it for His pleasure too. I appreciate Chris’ article and the ‘addicting’ take on the title. But I would have preferred more in his article. As an RN and a bride, I can say that ‘interdependence’ developed between a husband and his bride, in a mutually respectful, mutually caring relationship is not true ‘addiction’ because it is healthy. Whereas the term ‘addiction’ is usually associated with unhealthy ‘relationships’.
That said, Chris’ article has some very good points on sexuality too, and I appreciate his putting them out there.
Yes in old testament God’s plan for sex was to procreate (the emphasis), In Genesis 1:28, God said “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” – so no mention of sex’s physical and spiritual properties just its objective.
New testament, In Mark 10:6, Jesus said “But at the beginning of creation…” obviously referring to what happened in Genesis, describes sex as two becoming one flesh (intimate physical and spiritual act, talking about sex’s physical and spiritual properties) – but makes no mention of procreation (the initial objective), so it sounds like the emphasis has shifted.
Also worthy to note, the two primary acts for survival and continued existence is eating and sex, which could also explain this sort of hard-wiring or our predisposition as to why these can be so “addictive”
Some thoughts to consider for sake of argument 😉 God bless.
EDITORIAL CORRECTION = microwaves (which can be used “to heat a cup of coffee in sixty seconds”) do NOT emit nuclear radiation. Microwaves emit MICROWAVES! No folks, your food does not become radioactive by being in a microwave…
Thank you for adding precision to my wording. For those who are interested, here is more info: http://www.epa.gov/rpdweb00/understand/
Nice = I like the “Non-Ionizing and Ionizing” information. I have a friend who doesn’t use a microwave because he and his wife think microwaves “nuke” the food…
Anyway, THANK YOU for your article. I have printed it and will share it with the support group set up at my church specifically for men and sexual sins/temptations.
Also sex outside of marriage develops a unholy soul tie. These can be broken during deliverance. Seen it many times
Agreed, good article although was hoping Chris would cover the more spiritual implications of sex. In Mark 10:8, it says the two shall become one flesh. This is not literally or physically possible…
Excellent article that makes a lot of sense. Good information for all of us to pay heed to.
Thank you for the encouragement, Kevin!
I appreciate Becky’s point of view with the “addiction” being unhealthy, and that “interdependence” between husband and wife would be more palatable for some readers.
Dr. William Struthers of Wheaton College wrote “Wired for Intimacy” which goes in depth the physiological and chemical responses that the male brain goes through when viewing pornography, and when having sex. When you take into account the physical responses that our bodies go through with these experiences, interdependence just doesn’t connote a strong enough meaning.
I think that using “addiction” in this context more accurately describes the result of the bonding and pleasure chemicals released during sexual activity.
AND, this is just the physical…. I didn’t even address the emotional and spiritual sides.
Thank you for the article. I’ll be posting it on my FB wall.
Great input, Scott. Thanks for adding to the conversation!
Thanks for your comments Scott. Honestly, I agree that ‘interdependence’ is weak for the power of intimate love between a husband and his bride.
Thanks so much for mentioning “Wired for Intimacy” too. There are chemical responses in our brains during sex too, the fairer sex. Many great books out there now on brain development with regard to sexuality.
We really are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator/Poppa.
Something I have noticed, being married for almost 30 years now, Dec 27;)
When my Dearheart and I take time to be one physically, being one other ways is ‘smoother’. When we don’t take time to be together, there is usually something that needs attention….Oh and one last tidbit of nurse trivia. Do you know what they call the hormone, Estrogen, released during orgasam? ‘The Bonding hormone’. Is our G-d great AND good or what?
Thank you for sharing!
From Lisa:
“Agreed, good article although was hoping Chris would cover the more spiritual implications of sex. In Mark 10:8, it says the two shall become one flesh. This is not literally or physically possible…”
I would say that the two shall become is both literally and physically possible. So possible that we in fact give that union a name 9 months later!!!! Aside from that, there is an emotional union when two perform the conjugal act. That is why there is such a wrenching when the two split up, and why marriage is to be lifelong. The two are one. Paul speaks of this when he says that one becomes united with the prostitute.(1 Cor 6:16)
Spiritually, marriage and the conjugal act are, of course, an imperfect reflection of the Trinity. Much can be said about that.
I had only planned to wade in here up to my ankles, but kept reading and was soon in deep water. This is a profound insight into the topic of sex (wisdom is from God). Great stuff Chris!
Thank you for the encouraging words!
Reblogged this on Writings on the WALL of Darrah Jolene Perez and commented:
This article was well written. I commend the author for a job well done!
because we don’t do it GODS way. being alone with a man or woman that you are not married to can lead to inapropiate actions.women men will respect you more if you respect yourself first and men women will appreciate you more if she is treated like a lady.